Life is Not Fair

A Sermon by Dr. Neil Chadwick


How are you doing this morning? Have you had a good week?

Saturday afternoon my father was cleaning out the front end of his snow blower after clearing off his driveway. When he stood up, his foot slipped into a grove in the driveway that was still filled with snow and he went down, breaking his hip. Of course he didn't know at that point that it was broken, only that it hurt, and after sitting for an hour, with the pain becoming unbearable, not wanting to pay for an ambulance, he asked a neighbor to take him to the hospital. He is now in rehab and will be there for another week or so.

On Sunday, just as my wife was leaving the kitchen on the way to the front door heading for church, she heard a loud thump behind her, and quickly turned to see that her mother had collapsed to the floor and was totally passed out. She revived when my wife inserted a nitroglycerin tablet under her tongue, and helped her get back into bed. However, shortly after noon, we called 911 and had her taken to the hospital where she stayed until Tuesday.

On Monday, a member of my parent's church in Massachusetts stopped in to check on my mother, only to find that she had become violently ill with an intestinal flu, and was nearly dehydrated and in an extremely weakened condition - Pauline immediately took my mother to the emergency room. That evening she was taken home to my brother's house.

Now there are some rather superstitious people who tell us that bad things happen in threes - I might wish that were true.

On Tuesday, I sat in a New London, Connecticut courtroom to hear the sentencing of a pastor I helped bring up in the ministry - he was sentenced to 10 years for an offense he did not commit. From there I went to Massachusetts to pick up a few things from my sister-in-law before going on to see my father. When I opened the back door of her house, I heard the sound of many waters. I dodged the drips coming from the ceilings of the family room and kitchen, and ran upstairs to find that a pipe had burst due to freezing - I turned off the main water supply, and then proceeded to dispense with the more than 150 gallons of water that had flowed through the first floor into the basement.

While traveling on Wednesday, I learned that a large project I had been working on for months was being scuttled. Then I spent several hours with my father before returning home late that night. Passing through Unionville, I was pulled over by one of New York's finest. When the policeman came up to my open window, I was still fishing for documents when I heard him say, "I'm sorry, we're looking for a single man in a grey car, but you're too old." My next thought was, "Oh my, there's still three more days left to this week."

Then on Thursday I went to the dentist. (Nothing needs to be added to that sentence!)

Friday went by with no bumps, except that it was very disappointing to learn that a judge denied our request to have Kyle admitted into the Teen Challenge program. On Saturday I got pulled over again. The last time I had used my trailer I had backed into a tree, or some other unmovable object, and broken one of the trailer's tail lights. So I used Ben's favorite non-technical substance, and duck-taped the red lens back into place. Now, with no terrorists, drug smugglers or murderers to apprehend, this ambitious first responder complained that I had used too much tape.

Isn't it interesting that during one week everything goes so smoothly that life's boredom is barely bearable? Then during the next week you yearn for boredom! Obviously, all weeks are not created equal. In view of this, one thought perpetually on my mind was this, "What should we do when we feel life is not fair?"

First, let's acknowledge that we may feel life is unfair for a variety of reasons - here are three.

Comparison

When we compare ourselves with other people, we may wonder why it is that we are having it so hard when others have it so easy. Of course we realize that not everyone presents themselves truthfully. Not that we intend to deceive, but most of us are very private people, or we just don't want pity - so we go out into public and present ourselves as being happy-go-lucky, when in fact things may be going terribly wrong. (Some of the best comedians have had terrible and tragic life experiences - their jocularity covers their real pain.)

The question asked for thousands of years has been "Why do the ungodly prosper?" Many godly people observe that while they seek to walk with the Lord faithfully, and then struggle just to get by, others who show no signs of godliness get on famously and seem to prosper wildly.

This kind of comparison is seen in the elder brother complex displayed in the story of "The Prodigal Son." When the younger son returned home, his brother compared himself with his younger sibling and complained that his father was not fair; "after all, I have served you faithfully all these years, and yet he gets the party!"

During Jesus' last days on earth, Peter wanted to compare himself to another one of the disciples. Jesus replied that it was none of Peter's business, but that he should simply follow Christ. (John 21:18-22)

And listen to the clear instruction given in II Corinthians 10:12: "For we dare not make ourselves of the number or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."

Most of the time when we compare ourselves with others, we end up feeling that life is not fair. On the other hand, this week as I sat and conversed with my father, he reviewed his current condition and then observed, "I don't have it all that bad - many others have it far worse than I." He is like the man who said, "I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

Betrayal

A second reason for feeling life is unfair is when we feel betrayed.

In this case, someone has made a promise, or we perceive they have, but they have not delivered on that promise, and it's just not fair. The real crisis comes when God is the one we feel has made a promise that has not been kept - like the man Jim Bakker told about who, after reading the promise that the followers of Jesus would be blessed 100-fold, asked, "Where's my hundred houses?"

This week I picked up and re-read the account of the Indonesian Irian Jaya (formerly, Netherlands New Guinea) tribe called Sawi, as told by missionary Don Richardson. What he learned in the first few days of his contact with this swamp jungle tribe was that theirs was a culture of treacherous betrayal. When wanting to bring revengeful retaliation against another village, they would devise and carry out a months' long scheme they called "Tuwi asonai man" which meant, "to fatten him with friendship for an unsuspected slaughter."

In the opening pages of his book, "Peace Child," missionary Richardson tells the story of Yae, a leader of the Mauro village which was along side the Kronkel River - Yae took upon himself the task of seeking an alliance with the village of Haeman. Seven months earlier, while on a hunting trip, Yae had met Kauwan, a man from Haeman who identified himself as a distant relative, "the youngest son of your mother's stepfather." An agreement was made that Yae would serve as the one who would go between these two villages and facilitate a treaty of cooperation so they could better protect themselves from the Kayagar, a warrior tribe from the east. During the intervening seven months, Yae had visited the Haeman village ten times, each time being warmly greeted so that by now he knew by name, and trusted the men of Haeman. On the eleventh visit, Yae was prepared to invite some of the members of the village to an all-night dance in his own village, after which they would begin laying plans for a united attack on their common enemies.

Twelve men of Haeman gladly accepted the invitation, and then presented to Yae a length of string made of tree fibers and asked him to tie a knot for each day they must count off before coming to his village. As he bent over to do this, the men of Haeman drew out their weapons. When Yae became aware that these men had intended to kill him all along, "fattening him up for the slaughter," he called out to the man who first brought him there, his distant relative who had promised to protect him. But Kauwan sarcastically replied, "I kept telling them this was bad and that you are my friend. But Maum here has promised me his daughter in marriage if I would keep silent. Too bad, my friend. I guess I am not going to help you." Yea screamed out, "Don't say that Kauwan! Stand by your promise!" With delight in their eyes, the warriors of Haeman moved in for the kill - they would later feast on the flesh, brain and organs of their victim.

When life seems unfair, we feel betrayed, thinking that someone had promised to protect us.

This week I listened in on a conversation about how many people, when they become sick, feel that their bodies have betrayed them. In our youth we are told that we can do anything we put our minds to; later in life we find that our bodies don't respond the same way, and we feel let down - life isn't fair.

Joseph certainly could have registered this complaint. When he was betrayed by his brothers, and sold as a slave to Egypt, he could well have said, "Life is unfair." If Joseph did complain, we didn't hear about it, and later, he testified that what began with an appearance of being unfair ended with the salvation of his entire extended family.

Entitlement

The third reason some people feel life is unfair is what we call "entitlement." This is the belief that says, "I am not deserving of this - I deserve better."

    The story is told about a man who lived in a simple little house on a quiet street in a small town. One day, around two o'clock in the afternoon, a stranger walked slowly down his street, turned in to his sidewalk, and knocked on his door. When the man answered the knock, the stranger simply held out his hand with an envelope in it, and said, "This is for you." The home owner was taken by surprise, and before he could get a word out, the stranger had turned around a walked back down the street. When he closed the door, the home owner opened the envelope to find a one hundred dollar bill inside.

    The next day, at the same time, the stranger again came down the street, turned into the same sidewalk, knocked on the door and again handed the owner an envelope. Again there was found inside a one hundred dollar bill.

    By the third day, the home owner was standing near the front room window, looking down the street - sure enough the same thing happened again. In fact for that entire week, each day, the stranger brought an envelope to this same house.

    However, on the eighth day, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, the stranger came down the street, but passed by the sidewalk and the door he had knocked at on each of the previous days, and instead, went to the house next door; he was ready to knock on the door when the home owner who had been recipient of this daily blessing burst out of his house screaming, "Wait a minute, this is the house you are supposed to come to!"

    He believed that he was entitled to receive this blessing as he had before.

Jesus told a story about workers who were hired to work as day laborers (Matthew 20:1-16). Before they went out to the vineyard, they were told what their wage would be, and they agreed to the terms. Later, subsequent groups of workers were found to also go out and work. However, at the end of the day, those who went to work early in the day complained that they did not receive more for their labor than those who began work later in the day. They felt that they were being treated unfairly - they felt they were entitled to a higher payment, even though they had agreed to the terms at the beginning of the day.

Especially in the United States, we who have been so abundantly blessed begin to believe we are entitled to all these blessings, and grumble when we notice that others who are obviously less deserving, are also being blessed.

But the question now comes, if we are feeling that life is unfair, what can we do?

Here's a simple threefold answer.

First, be honest. If you feel that life is not fair, say what you feel and why. However, the best place to do that is in prayer. Often when I ask someone "How are you doing?" they respond, "Oh, I can't complain - it doesn't do any good anyway." However, that's really not true. There are times when complaining can be worthwhile, but it is especially good to complain if you're doing it in prayer. Perhaps God won't immediately remove whatever it was that caused the complaint, but He will at least give you assurance, hope and stamina to go on in the meantime. Going to God with a complaint is OK - remember, James chided the Christians of his day with the words, "You do not have, because you do not ask God." (James 4:2) The songwriter put it this way, "Oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

Second, be thankful. Remember the man who said, "I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

In addition, remember what Jesus said, "Your Father which is in heaven . . . maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." (Matthew 5:45) Whether it be the sunshine of blessing or the rain of pain, let us join with Job who said "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1:21)

The third way to counteract the feeling that life is unfair is to be busy - find other causes than your own.

To focus on your own unfair treatment builds anger which can become harmful to your inner peace; to focus on the unfair treatment of others will also cause anger, but an anger that can produce energy to help bring about change.

The question then moves from "How do I feel?" to "What must I do?"

When Saul, later known as Paul was confronted by a vision of Jesus, he asked this very important question, "What shall I do, Lord?" (Acts 22:10) That's the question, the prayer, that all of us should frequently ask.

Let's stop sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves because life is so unfair.

    Yes, other people have it better than we do. So what! 95% of the world has it worse than we have it.

    Yes, we may have been betrayed by someone we thought was our friend. So what! We have a friend who is closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

    Do we think because of our serious, faithful attempts to live a godly life, we deserve a bigger piece of the pie? So what! Our pie is in the sky. Remember, in this life, the pay may not be great, but the retirement benefits are out of this world!

Rather than moaning about life being unfair, let's be filled with praise and thanks to God, and get on with what He has called us to do in His Name.

Discussion Questions
Life is Not Fair

1. What has not good so well for you this week?

2. Is it really true that calamities come in threes, or that "when it rains it pours"?

3. What are some of the ways we compare ourselves with other people, and how does this set us up to feel that life is unfair?

4. Are there any conceivable situations when honesty may not be the best policy?

5. What do you think is behind the belief that life should be better, easier, and happier for righteous people?

6. What is the good, and what is the bad that can come when we compare ourselves with people whose life is much harder than ours?

7. The "Peace Child" account of sophisticated treachery and betrayal may seem very foreign to us. Can you give an example of how someone may feel betrayed during their everyday life?

8. How might it be possible for a person to feel betrayed by God?

9. On at least three occasions, Joseph was betrayed - can you recount them?

10. What is "entitlement," and what are some reasons a person may have this kind of attitude?

11. In the story Jesus told about the day laborers in the vineyard, why did some of the workers feel unfairly treated? How does this story relate to Jesus closing remark, "The last will be first, and the first will be last"?

12. When we're honest to admit that we feel that life is not being fair, who should be the first to know, and why?

13. Most often, thankfulness is the natural response when good things that come our way. How is it possible to also be thankful when there are bad?

14. If anger from unfairness produces energy, where should that energy be focused?

15. What was Saul's first prayer request after he found out who it was that confronted him on the "Road to Damascus"?

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