Articles
| An Article Written by Dr. Neil Chadwick
Dear Pastor: I am confronting some difficulties in which I perceive are of a unique and sophisticated affect. You see, I am struggling with emotional burdens regarding incidents in which occurred years ago with people who are now deceased. Without going into too many specifics, there were times in years gone by I had arguments with people or may have said things to them I shouldn't have or in few instances, even done things I should not have. Time went on, some of them passed away and I never saw them again. Now, here is my problem: On the one hand, I am fully aware that our Lord has forgiven me my transgressions of the past because I practice genuine repentance- something I didn't do years ago. However, I am struggling with burdensome anxiety that the deceased parties themselves have not forgiven me. Otherwise put, I never received the opportunity to apologize to some for my actions of the past and they have since died. I am concerned that they have never forgiven me- even from beyond the grave. This has burdened me with anxiety to the extent it has disrupted my ability to rest peacefully at night. What spiritual counsel are you able to provide me about an emotional affliction as seemingly unusual as this? Traditionally, people are worried that God has not forgiven them. In my case, however, this isn't the trouble at all. Its something else. I'm not worried about the Lord's forgiveness, I am worried about the forgiveness of people who are now deceased who I may have upset when they were alive.
Dear Bob: Actually, many people have had a similar concern as yours - how does one handle broken relationships when there is no longer an opportunity to seek forgiveness? This has to do not only with situations when there has been a death, but also in cases where the offended party has disappeared from a person's life, or has expressly stated that they do not want any contact. We understand that the teaching of Jesus insists that when we become aware that we have offended someone, we should go to them to try to make amends (Matthew 5:23,24). Having made an honest effort fulfills our responsibility even if the other person does not accept the apology. In connection with this, always remember that the Lord looks on the heart. Of course that doesn't let us off the hook if there is an opportunity to act on what is in our hearts. But we know the opposite is true - if we simply go through the actions of asking forgiveness but are not genuinely humble in our hearts, then that is not acceptable to God. So if in our heart we have truly repented - that is what God looks for. Also remember that one goal in seeking forgiveness is the restoration of a relationship (Matthew 18:15). If that goal is no longer possible due to irrevocable separations, then we can accept God's forgiveness as being sufficient. We do know that God would not be pleased if we were to make an effort to communicate with someone who has died. So then, you ask, what am I to do? Here's my suggestion. Come to the place in prayer where you have assurance in your heart that the Lord has forgiven you - every offense against man is also an offense against God (Luke 15:18). Then go to a trusted, mature Christian brother (or sister) and confess your sin (James 5:16). According to Matthew 5:18, disciples have been given the power to set others free - I believe this can apply to the situation where an offended party is no longer available to speak for himself. One thing is very certain - the Lord does not want us to live our lives under a cloud of condemnation (Romans 8:1). Through faith in the Lord who sees the heart, and by the proclamation of forgiveness by a Christian Elder, you can know that you are forgiven, and walk in victory. I pray that will be your experience.
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