Speaking Thanks to One Another
A Sermon by Dr. Neil Chadwick
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 Most of the time we assume that the purpose of preaching is first and foremost to help us learn about God, and then secondly, to teach us about our relationship with Him. Today I want to contend for the need to talk about us, and our relationship with each other. It is clear that if our relationship with God is developing and growing, it will in turn impact, for the good, our relationships with one another. But it is also clear that this requires our active participation and cooperation. Of course this is risky, for who among us would dare suggest that he has the right to tell the rest of us how to live, as though he has it all together? None of us. Yet we all must present ourselves before the Lord to listen to the good counsel of His Word. We have just come through Thanksgiving week when we have all been reminded about how much we are thankful to God. The theme song for this season could well be, "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name." (Psalms 100:4 ) Even the popular song of years gone by sings a similar message, "When I worry and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep." Giving thanks to God is an extremely important aspect of our relationship with Him But while we are thankful to God, we also need to express appreciation toward each other. What a tragedy it is that we so easily take each other for granted, and instead of being grateful for what others do for us, we begin to expect it, demand it, and then get angry when the people around us don't deliver.
The next Saturday, Carl again happened to be standing by his window again when the same stranger came down the street, turned up his walk, rang the bell and gave him another one hundred dollar bill. After this happened for the third time, Carl made sure he was always home on Saturday afternoon, and every week for thirteen weeks, the stranger came and gave him one hundred dollars. On the fourteenth Saturday, Carl was at his usual look-out post when he again saw the stranger walking down the street toward his house. But then something unusual happened. Instead of turning to come up the walk of Carl's house, the stranger walked right past, and turned to go up the walk toward the house next door. Quick as a flash Carl was out on his porch yelling at the stranger, "That's the wrong house! You can't go to that house, you're supposed to come to my house." In just thirteen weeks, Carl had become ungrateful, and what previously was offered as a gift, he now felt he deserved as a right. Now let's apply this to our everyday activities. Who are the people in our lives who bless us, who help us, who provide for us, who do nice things for us, who serve us? Have we become so accustomed to these gifts that we now assume we have the right to receive them? Or are we still as grateful as the first time this person offered assistance? It's always important for us to look to the Scripture, for as Paul wrote to Timothy, God's word is for "correction and instruction in righteousness." No one will dispute the statement that "right living" must include such things as loving one another, forgiving one another, and serving one another. And there is also Biblical backing to this idea of expressing appreciation to those who do good things for us - thanking one another. This of course applies to the most basic of all relationships, the marriage relationship. Peter instructs husbands to dwell with their wives "according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (I Peter 3:7) But also notice the example given to us by the apostle Paul in his greetings at the beginning of his letters. In more than half of his letters, he begins by expressing appreciation for the people he's writing to.
To the Corinthians he wrote, "I thank my God always on your behalf. . . ." (I Corinthians 1:4) In Philippians he wrote "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." (Philippians 1:3) In I Thessalonians he included this note, "For this cause also thank we God without ceasing. . . ." (I Thessalonians 2:13), and in his second letter he wrote "We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and the charity of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth." (II Thessalonians 1:3) In his personal letters Paul also included thanks. To Timothy he wrote, "I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day." (II Timothy 1:3) And when writing to his friend, Philemon, he wrote, "I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers." (Philemon 4) But as we are learning to express appreciation for what others do for us, we must never turn to deception, trying to merely make someone feel good, even though we don't really mean what we say. Honesty is extremely important in this area as it is in every other phase of life. It's amazing how comfortable we have become with deception
Each of these volunteers were asked to keep a diary for one week, recording the number of times they lied, and noting the circumstance of each incident. Only one student, and one resident reported at the end of the week that they had told no lies. On the other hand, the others, 140, admitted that they told a total of 1,535 lies in that one week! What did these people lie about? All sorts of things, but it was noted that women lied to women, mostly in order to spare their feelings. On the other hand, men lied to other men for self-promoting reasons - otherwise known as bragging. But what is more alarming is that these lies caused their tellers "little preoccupation or regret." It really didn't bother them that they had lied! Last year a survey was taken of 20,000 young people who were in middle or high school. 92% admitted they had lied to their parents the previous year, 73% did so repeatedly. But again, what's alarming is that 91% of all of the students said, "I am satisfied with my own ethics and character." Let me give you an example of a so-called "white lie" related to what we're talking about today, expressing appreciation.
Christmas is coming - we have all survived the first great Shopping Day. But what are you going to do if you receive a gift you really don't like? Are you going to pretend, "Thank you, it's just what I always wanted"? No, lying is never the proper response. Sir Walter Scott wrote, "What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." So we're not talking here about pretense - pretending you appreciate something or someone when you really don't, just saying words to get on the person's good side. Only genuine praise is acceptable. But genuine praise is one of the most important ingredients of healthy relationships. Proverbs 3:27 says, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act." It is in your power to speak uplifting, complimentary, appreciative words - so "Just Do It!" Whenever I meet with couples for marriage, or pre-marriage counsel, I often begin by asking these questions, "What do you like about your mate? What are the special qualities about him/her that you really appreciate?" Sometimes there is a ready answer, but more often, there's an awkward silence as they grope for words. Thinking about the other person, and finding words to express appreciation requires work - all relationships do. But what we also want to see is that expressing appreciation, verbalizing our thanks to others, will help reduce a number of unwanted habits, habits such as criticism, worrying, complaining, and self-centeredness.
Worry often is the byproduct of focusing on the negative aspects of other people's behavior. When we start to express our appreciation, we begin to focus on more positive aspects of those we love. Complaining rises out of unfulfilled expectations - things just aren't what we think they ought to be. Again, looking for things to appreciate will take our thoughts away from things we otherwise might be complaining about. And most important of all, appreciating others will help us take one more step away from self-centeredness because we begin to focus on others, rather than be preoccupied with ourselves. We are told that in the early days of our country, in old New England, at the close of the service, the Pastor of the church would announce which families he would visit during the coming week. They all knew what that meant. Among other things, he would be asking them questions related to the past Sunday's sermon. This practice was intended to motivate members of the congregation to listen carefully to the preaching of the Word. Now if I were to come to your home this week, I would be asking this question, "Have you increased the number of times you have expressed appreciation to other members of your family, friends and work colleagues?" James, the brother of Jesus said, "Let's be doers of the word, and not hearers only.”
Speaking Thanks to One Another 1. How does our relationship with God impact our relationship with people? 2. Why should we listen to the teaching of men or women who themselves are not perfect? 3. Why is it that we so often find ourselves taking for granted the good things other people do for us? 4. What are some aspects of marriage and family living which we commonly forget to express thankfulness? 5. How does the Apostle Paul provide us with many Biblical examples of expressing appreciation to people? 6. Are there any ways that the expression of gratitude can go wrong? 7. Can you provide any examples from your own experience that bear out the fact that deception has become common-place and seemingly acceptable to many people? 8. Are there any situations where purposely telling a may be acceptable? 9. How can the practice of intentionally verbalizing appreciation help reduce such practices as criticism, worrying, complaining, and self-centeredness? 10. Why is it that people who grow up with constant criticism tend to copy that same behavior even though they themselves disliked it so much? 11. What are some of the things that cause people to complain so much? 12. Do you think you would like it if the Pastor or another person were to ask you each week whether or not you have put into practice the word that was preached on Sunday?  - - Return to Top of this Page  - Email a Link to this Page
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